Tag Archive: self-awareness

I poke and prod


I poke and prod
prod and poke
inside and out
my blemishes and wounds
scarred recovery and discovery
of what is yet untouched.
The markers of pain are the
milestones of my journey to wholeness
it is in my breaking I am made.

Talitha Fraser



Yes, “the truth will set you free” as Jesus says (John 8:32) but first it tends to make you miserable. The medieval spiritual writers called it compunction, the necessary sadness and humiliation that comes from seeing one’s own failures and weaknesses.  Without confidence in a Greater Love, none of us will have the courage to go inside, nor should we… People only come to deeper consciousness by intentional struggle with contradictions, conflicts, inconsistencies, inner confusions, and what the biblical tradition calls “sin” or moral failure… God actually relishes the vacuum, which God knows God alone can fill… in other words, the goal is actually not the perfect avoidance of all sin, which is not possible anyway (1 John 1:8-9 and Romans 5:12) but the struggle itself, and the encounter and wisdom that comes from it. Law and failure create the foil, which creates the conflict, which leads to a very different kind of victory, not moral superiority but just luminosity of awareness and compassion for the world.


There is love



There is love and there is love.
What would You call me into?
What is love that does not
arc towards wholeness?
What is love unlived, unfamiliar, unrecognisable?
A strangers face.
I have been here before.
How will you help me stranger?
How will you help me know you
and, in the knowing, know myself?
Let us walk on a little way together yet
and speak of love.

Talitha Fraser

God I acknowledge



I acknowledge my
my smallness,
my powerlessness
to affect any change
least of all
to myself
take me and make me
something beautiful
to You
take me and make me
something beautiful.


Talitha Fraser



one might imagine
that not getting
what one wants
is some sort of
punishment but,
in fact,
it is merely life
the trick of it
is to want less
then when expectations
are exceeded there
is a margin for joy


step1: consult and consider
step2: discern and decide
step3: imagine and implement
step4: get on with it
step5: falter and fail
step6: try and terminate
step7: substitute and subvert
step8: outcomes unanticipated


058 - CopyThere is in us an instinct for newness, for renewal, for a liberation of creative power. We seek to awaken in ourselves a force which really changes our lives from within. And yet the same instinct tells us that this change is a recovery of that which is deepest, most original, most personal in ourselves.  To be born again is not to become somebody else, but to become ourselves.

~ Thomas Merton

I re-read “5 Love Languages” today by Gary Chapman.  Trying to do some work on actively identifying and naming some emotional needs so can try and take steps to see them fulfilled.  Think I’m predominantly fluent in ‘acts of service’ – certainly that’s what I speak.  I don’t think I’m very good at asking for things. It doesn’t count if it’s something someone ‘has’ to do for me. I want them to want to do it.  Even chocolate or baking, it’s the act of thinking of me and doing something for me that matters more than the gift itself.  This is closely linked with the type-2 Enneagram also, the belief that I need to do things for other people to be deserving of their love.  I am treating love like a commodity.  I am subscribed to the Enneathought for the day and last week one was: Love is not a commodity and is not scarce – this is one of those fundamental truth things that I probably need to be reminded of every day because I find it so hard to believe. I know not everyone is into these frameworks/tools but I can certainly say for myself that they have been really helpful in giving me a language to talk about things I’d otherwise leave unsaid and taken me on a journey of self-awareness – how much of my disappointment in life/relationships is about my own issues and expectations that I haven’t communicated with anyone about? I need to take some responsibility for managing myself. Luckily, the trick, with the enneagram stuff at least, is that awareness is enough – the change and transformation will come just through being conscious of our own behaviour. There’s a Jean Varnier quote that discusses the difference between loving community vs. loving people and gaining community. These are tools for learning how to love people well, even yourself.